You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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