Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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