i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
