we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's rum buckets o'clock
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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