While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
