This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
