Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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