also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
