Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
