so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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