No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
