Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
