This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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