Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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