I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
