the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
