Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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