I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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