Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
