Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
