its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
