Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
