She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
