giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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