Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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