I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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