I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
