As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
