bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
