Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
