when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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