She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
