Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
