Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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