I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
