My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
