At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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