She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When are your genitals available?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
