You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
