We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
