did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
