you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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