I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
