Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
