But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
