Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
