He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
