She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
