ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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