I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
